True confessions & new kitty

My ticker isn't exactly accurate anymore. Since my visit to my parents', I've put on 5 lbs and then lost 1. So, I'm at 210 again. Now I ask you, why? Or really, I've been asking me. Was the idea of breaking 200 lbs somehow too scary on some level? At first, I was just lazy about getting back to my lifestyle changes. I was still in vacation mode and cycling seemed inconvenient. Unfortunately, my walking backup plan failed, because it was getting dark by the time I got home from work. And there were too many meals out followed by special desserts. The evidence is in the tightness of my new jeans.

I didn't go completely beserk. I didn't bring home sweets and eat them wildly. On Halloween, I gorged on Annie's Bunny Grahams instead of candy. I continued to eat fruit. But, I haven't done was was needed to lose or even maintain my weight.

I'm back in the saddle, but I obviously need to delve into my emotional relationship with food and body image. There were days during the last month when all I thought about was food. It was like when they say that teenagers think about sex every three seconds. I would think about eating. I'd be at work, and every moment of downtime I'd think how I wanted to eat something. Obviously, that's not food hunger. They were times when I think that I could have eaten cupcake after cupcake and never have felt satisfied. This wasn't consciously connected to anything bothering me. But, when I talked something over with my husband that had been brewing in the back of my mind, I have to say that I noticed that the compulsive eating thought disappeared the next day. Connected?

Then, I was ready the January 2010 issue of Shape magazine, and on page 107 they had a short article: "Don't let Your Feelings Make You Fat." They had some helpful tips, but they also mentioned several books that I hope to find at my library.

 50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food by Susan Albers


 The Appetite Awareness Workbook: How to Listen to Your Body And Overcome Bingeing, Overeating, & Obsession With Food by Linda W. Craighead

 The Food and Feelings Workbook: A Full Course Meal on Emotional Health by Karen R. Koenig


 Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything by Geneen Roth


 100 Days of Weight Loss: The Secret to Being Successful on Any Diet Plan by Linda Spangle, R.N.

An Amazon search also led me to:


Eating the Moment: 141 Mindful Practices to Overcome Overeating One Meal at a Time by Pavel Georgievich Somov, Ph.D.


- which I will be checking out today.

I've been trying to follow the negative reinforcement pattern when I overeat, focusing on how uncomfortably full I feel afterward and how I wish I'd made a different choice. But I have to tell you, I ate a whole frozen pizza last night. Not a gigantic one, but bigger than a personal size, with a cracker crust, sauce, cheese, pineapple and (fake) bacon bits. When Kristian brought it out for me, I thought to myself that I shouldn't eat it all. But, I didn't take steps. I didn't remove a reasonable portion and refrigerate the rest. I knew that I would feel guilty after I was finished eating, but I still did. It tasted really good. But, not that good. Now I've asked Kristian to help me in the future by only serving me some pizza, not a whole pizza. I'm too weak to stop myself in that situation. It only makes sense; that's why I don't bring candy or other pre-life change sweets home. Why test yourself unnecessarily?

Also, it looks like my workplace will be providing access to weekly lunchtime Weight Watchers meetings not far from my building. It still costs money and I'd have to talk to my boss about getting that particular lunch period, but if ever there was a convenient time to do it, it's now. What do you think? Maybe I need an extra boost going into the holiday season.

Now, here is some good news. Kristian and I adopted a cat this weekend. We got her from the Humane Society and named her Maisy, middle name Rae. She is 7 months old, 5 lbs, and very sweet. So far she seems unafraid of anything, which is great. We don't want her to be intimidated by the dachshunds. Maisy has a cat tree inside a gated play area we've set up in the living room, so she has her own space. I'm so glad we found her! I've really been missing having a kitty.




Maisy